He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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