no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
