i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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