I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
