Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
