i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
