We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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