bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
