Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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