WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
