Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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