I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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