I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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