it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
