Someone shit on the floor
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
