M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
