just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."