just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
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I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
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I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"