Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dating After Heartbreak
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was like eating out sand paper
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review