I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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