Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is Oprah even human
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
