I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
