I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
