I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
