You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize