I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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