I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
