i need an iv and a liver transplant
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
