I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
