you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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