i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
