guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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