I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
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