The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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