my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
