God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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