ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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