I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize