so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Randomize
