i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
