The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
