I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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