I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
