As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
