I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
