She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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