Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
