We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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