everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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