my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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