I puked a lego.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
worst night to have a conscience
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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