You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
