Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
