try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize