do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
