My liver just broke up with me...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize