haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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