she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
