so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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