I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
