Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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