You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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