Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
