I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
