We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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