Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
