I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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