i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
